Month: January 2016

Cheeseburger Cozie

Inspired by dontevenreply.com and 27bslash6.com I bother the people who have plenty of time on their hands, a knitting forum.

What I said

On my way to work in the morning, before I drop my children off at the mall, I like to buy a cheeseburger from my favorite fast food place so that I can smell its deliciousness all the way to work. But, by the time I get to the office the cheeseburger has become lukewarm! I was wondering if anyone had any advice about the best insulating yarn and weave pattern. Preferably something porous so that it can capture the cheeseburger smell.

Regards,
Brian O’Blivion

What They Said

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

Wool? felted? Its a good idea :)

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

Well, I suppose cotton would soak up the burger grease and acquire a pleasant scent without shedding all over your breakfast…

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

You’d want something that would hold in the heat but absorb moisture so the steam doesn’t make your cheeseburger soggy. I vote for cotton in some kind of waffle textured stitch.

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

Bob, you have a strong resemblance to Jane Fonda in the ‘60’s. Amazing. Taking those hormones again?

Here’s a nice waffle stitch, a favorite of mine. :

I would try cotton worsted on a #8 or 9. You want some porosity to let out the steam. You can button or zipper the side of the cylinder like a tiny sweater.

This is not crazy. The original cozy is for teapots. Since joining Rav, I’ve seen soda glass cozies, coffee cup cozies, you-name-it. It’s a product of saving scraps and being a compulsive knitter.

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

so let me understand..it’s morning..you’re on the way to work..
( ♪ the sun so hot, I froze to death ♪ )
The kids are going to the mall….. not to school?
If the cheeseburger is for lunch, it’s going to be much less than lukewarm by then.
If it’s for breakfast, why not just go ahead and eat it while it’s hot and tasty… and still smells good?

Rather than have soggy buns..(very uncomfortable)….. I might try this ….link text

or invent cheeseburger aftershave or air freshener….maybe scratch-n-sniff cheeseburger pics ……
it could mean cheeseburger aroma anytime you want.
Your slogan could be ‘Let O’Blivion’s cheeseburger take you away’

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

Brian, has your wife gotten out of the basement? And are you a fan of Bob’s Burgers by any chance?

Thread Deleted

I thought a cheeseburger cozie was completely ridiculous and would be immediately found out.  Apparently cheeseburger cozies are a legitimate knitting project… Who knew?

GET UR WIFE OUT OF THE BASEMENT!

Inspired by dontevenreply.com and 27bslash6.com I bother the people who have plenty of time on their hands, a knitting forum.

What I said

Hello,

My Beatrix and I have been happily married for 19 years. We live in a 50+ year old ranch style “fixer upper”. Yesterday, the 23, my wife was walking to to the bathroom when she suddenly fell through the floor and down to the basement. The wall-to-wall shag carpeting obscured the water damage beneath it. She hurt her leg and is unable to make her way up the stairs. It has been raining pretty steadily and there is a significant amount of standing water in the basement. I cannot afford the expensive clothing and blankets that keep people warm even when wet. I was wondering if anyone could suggest a knitting project that I could undertake to make her something to keep her warm even when wet. Remember, I am a complete beginner!

Note: I have no insurance and cannot pay anyone to help my wife out of the basement. Besides, she insists upon “making it out on her own”.

Regrads,
Brian

What She Said

GET UR WIFE OUT OF THE BASEMENT!
Sent at 1:54 AM March 24, 2011

I have carpal tunnel and wear a wrist brace, so my typing is not very good. I am an RN (registered nurse) in the USAm Texas. Damp and wet is not good. Get help to move her to a dry warm area. Then knit an afghan or even a scarf (most beginners start with a simple scarf). She may need to see a Dr, too. Medical care is most important. And, also you do not know if she broke a hip or leg or something. And, you dont want her in pain and/or dying or pneumonia. Keep in touch w/me, I will be happy to help in your beginning knitting efforts. Loretta Acosta / xanax on Ravelry.

What I Said

re: GET UR WIFE OUT OF THE BASEMENT!
Sent at 11:15 AM March 24, 2011

Dear Daisy,

Thank you for your concern for me and my temporarily trapped wife. She is a physical therapist and says she is fine. Rest assured that nothing is broken and her life is in no danger. My wife is a rather “big boned” woman and cannot safely be assisted up the basement steps.

You will be happy to know that I have removed the gutters from my house and braided my yarn together to form a rope. I built, with the help of some neighborhood kids, a contraption that I thought would be able to lift her out through the hole in our bedroom. Unfortunately my maths were wrong and she fell back into the standing water in the basement. Although it was not a total loss, she can now lean against the remains of the improvised winch and get a few hours of sleep.

She says she should be well enough to make another attempt in a couple of days. She is as large as she is stubborn! :)

I looked up pictures of an “afghan” and “scarf” they did not seem to be waterproof. Is there some kind of spray or space age materials or special knit style that I could make/buy to make the? afghanies? waterproof?

regards,
Brian

No Response…

 

Here’s Another Response I got…

wife
Sent at 12:09 AM March 24, 2011

Shouldn’t she see a doctor? Insurance or not, if something is broken internally she could die of infection. She just fell 8-10 feet… I think a life is so much more important than making a blanket.