GET UR WIFE OUT OF THE BASEMENT!

Inspired by dontevenreply.com and 27bslash6.com I bother the people who have plenty of time on their hands, a knitting forum.

What I said

Hello,

My Beatrix and I have been happily married for 19 years. We live in a 50+ year old ranch style “fixer upper”. Yesterday, the 23, my wife was walking to to the bathroom when she suddenly fell through the floor and down to the basement. The wall-to-wall shag carpeting obscured the water damage beneath it. She hurt her leg and is unable to make her way up the stairs. It has been raining pretty steadily and there is a significant amount of standing water in the basement. I cannot afford the expensive clothing and blankets that keep people warm even when wet. I was wondering if anyone could suggest a knitting project that I could undertake to make her something to keep her warm even when wet. Remember, I am a complete beginner!

Note: I have no insurance and cannot pay anyone to help my wife out of the basement. Besides, she insists upon “making it out on her own”.

Regrads,
Brian

What She Said

GET UR WIFE OUT OF THE BASEMENT!
Sent at 1:54 AM March 24, 2011

I have carpal tunnel and wear a wrist brace, so my typing is not very good. I am an RN (registered nurse) in the USAm Texas. Damp and wet is not good. Get help to move her to a dry warm area. Then knit an afghan or even a scarf (most beginners start with a simple scarf). She may need to see a Dr, too. Medical care is most important. And, also you do not know if she broke a hip or leg or something. And, you dont want her in pain and/or dying or pneumonia. Keep in touch w/me, I will be happy to help in your beginning knitting efforts. Loretta Acosta / xanax on Ravelry.

What I Said

re: GET UR WIFE OUT OF THE BASEMENT!
Sent at 11:15 AM March 24, 2011

Dear Daisy,

Thank you for your concern for me and my temporarily trapped wife. She is a physical therapist and says she is fine. Rest assured that nothing is broken and her life is in no danger. My wife is a rather “big boned” woman and cannot safely be assisted up the basement steps.

You will be happy to know that I have removed the gutters from my house and braided my yarn together to form a rope. I built, with the help of some neighborhood kids, a contraption that I thought would be able to lift her out through the hole in our bedroom. Unfortunately my maths were wrong and she fell back into the standing water in the basement. Although it was not a total loss, she can now lean against the remains of the improvised winch and get a few hours of sleep.

She says she should be well enough to make another attempt in a couple of days. She is as large as she is stubborn! :)

I looked up pictures of an “afghan” and “scarf” they did not seem to be waterproof. Is there some kind of spray or space age materials or special knit style that I could make/buy to make the? afghanies? waterproof?

regards,
Brian

No Response…

 

Here’s Another Response I got…

wife
Sent at 12:09 AM March 24, 2011

Shouldn’t she see a doctor? Insurance or not, if something is broken internally she could die of infection. She just fell 8-10 feet… I think a life is so much more important than making a blanket.