I Found A Hole To Sleep In!

I left my parents house after Christmas and couch surfed with my bud Danger in flagstaff until January 8th.  I had some good times, some drunk times, and some cold times with Kate in Las Vegas.  Now I’m finally on my own in Joshua Tree, California!  Yesterday I drove around and tried to establish a lifestyle.

It is surprisingly easy to be homeless in Joshua Tree.  I found a free place to camp with some other climber hobos.     I didn’t get to meet them really because it was literally freezing last night but they seemed polite and welcoming and kinda shy (or maybe just conserving heat and energy).  The “campground” is an unmarked sort of road that is blocked by a climbing rope tied to a stick.  The best part about this climber reservation is that it is within walking distance of fresh water, food, flush toilets, wi-fi, a used book store and thrift shop, and two climbing stores.  Also, It’s about a 10 min drive from 500+ climbs and infinite bouldering opportunities    I just need to find a climbing partner and I may never have to leave.

The Quest for Wi-Fi and The Jelly Donut

On my first night in Joshua Tree I was looking for a place that was both warm, had wi-fi, and had accessible outlets.

McDonald’s: Fail. It had wi-fi but there were no outlets.  Well, there were outlets but they were 15 feet off the ground from its former days of glory when it had a Playplace.  I could have stemed up the window corner dihedral and used the outlet if I had an extension chord.  Future plan for sure.

Burger King: Fail.  Although, it lead to some vital information

Burger Slave: I wish we had wi-fi, I can sometimes reach the hotel’s internet across the street.  McDonald’s has wi-fi but no outlets.

Max: Ya, I’ve already been there… Thanks anyway.

Burger Slave: (looks at me, intuits and that I’m a homeless drifter and responds says completely judgement free) You know if you want to go someplace less nice than McDonald’s you can go to Jelly Donut.

Max: They have wi-fi? Awesome.

Burger Slave: Ya, good luck!

Jelly Donut: Great Success.  Jelly Donut is an un-apologetically recently converted gas station with chairs and tables probably stolen from an abandoned Wendy’s.  I got a raspberry donut that appeared to have been left out all night. Evidence: Frost.  Although, the wi-fi was fast and there were accessible outlets.  I hung around for a couple hours, waiting for the weather to warm up.

A few other homeless regulars filed in, mostly ex-military folk and/or conspiracy theorists that know Obama or the likely next president, Michelle Obama, was going to take their guns away.  I suggested that Obama probably secretly kept Bin Laden alive and that he probably had a better health care plan than we did.  This was accepted as fact.

It quickly became obvious that no one came here for the nasty donuts.  Everyone came to talk to Rosa.  The nicest Mexican-native american-Chinese woman on the planet.  I’m going to need to go back there.

Epinephrine with Danger, Max, and Issac

Epinephrine Group Pic


One Week Pre- Trip

Danger decides that we should climb Epinephrine.  I agree.  I excitedly tell my roommate and bud Issac.  He must climb it too.We painfully wake up pre-dawn.  I hastily pack a second headlamp and force down some stale cheese-its and join Issac and Danger in the Fuggin’ Honda.  I slept all the way there and spaced out for most of the approach so it seemed like I just arrived at Epinephrine.

Pitch 1

There were let a group go in front of us because they seemed like the kind of people that we wouldn’t see again after the first pitch.  Suspicion confirmed when the leader confidently skipped a high first bolt.  Issac climbed the scary slabby first pitch like a boss.

Epinephrine Approach Trail

Pitch 2

I took forever leading the second pitch.  There was one spot where I could not find anywhere to place gear on a short chimney pitch that should have been easy.  I finally found a nut placement and made it to the bolted anchors.  I looked down at my harness to discover… my belay device was gone!

The night before I had seen Danger tie a knot called the “Munter hitch“.  I tied it, tested it a few times and shouted down, “Danger, come on up!”  I’m just realizing right now how confusing that might be for the uninitiated to hear someone yell…  Anyway, Danger climbs half way up and calls up to me, “I found your belay device! What are you belaying me with?”  I told him that he was fine.

Danger joins me on a small ledge and says, “How did you manage to lose your belay device ya dupe?” Danger is preparing to belay Issac up.  I look over the edge and see an unnatural shiny green object hurtle off the cliff.  I ask Danger, ” Was that your belay device?” It was his belay device.  I have a good long laugh and Danger belays Issac up with a Munter hitch.  Issac climbs up and we see that he has Danger’s belay device clipped to his gear loop.  Turns out that it miraculously landed on a tiny ledge within arms reach.

Pitches 3-5?

Danger lead the hardest chimney pitches.  5.9 chimneys are hard! You must struggle and scrape your body along sandpaper sandstone until you are completely exhausted then look down at your six inches of progress and be pleased.

This is a chimney. It is smooth like glass but will also tear your clothes somehow.

This is a chimney. It is smooth like glass but will also tear your clothes somehow.





Struggle, struggle. struggle.

Struggle, struggle. struggle.

Nice belay ledge

Nice belay ledge

gettin’ dark…

gettin' dark...

NextGen ScrollGallery thumbnailNextGen ScrollGallery thumbnailNextGen ScrollGallery thumbnailNextGen ScrollGallery thumbnailNextGen ScrollGallery thumbnailNextGen ScrollGallery thumbnail
Pitches 5-7?

We made it to the top of a formation called the dark tower.  Which contained all the hardest pitches.  Unfortunately it was getting dark and we needed a way down.  Headlamps became necessary when Issac lead a slabby run out pitch that we thought would put us in an easily rappel-able section.

Dark Pitch

Issac climbs up to the first bolt and a good amount of feet past it.  Issac couldn’t find the next bolt and was starting to pump out in a near decking zone.  Suddenly, Issac yells, “Ahhhh! (Danger cranks down his belay device) I’ve found a bolt!”  Danger and I realize that we were not breathing.  Issac climbed up and clipped a few bolts that Danger and I didn’t see and cuts feet on an overhang.  This ordinarily would have been poor technique but our legs were destroyed from the chimney pitches and we had a lot more trust in our arms.

Danger and I climb up to Issac and do a short traverse pitch.  We see some webbing tied to a rock.  We decided that people must rappel from here.   I am the lightest so I rapped down first because I am the tiniest man and would be the easiest to haul back up if I ended up on a blank face.

Turns out we weren’t where we thought we were but I found some permanent anchors anyway.  Although,  when Issac and Danger came down and we tried to pull the rope through it got stuck immediately.  We struggled to get the rope down for at least half an hour and seriously considered sleeping on a cold hanging belay in a deafening wind.  Finally the rope came down.  For the next rappel Danger tied a Euro death knot Patagonia knot and the rope didn’t get stuck again.

After some difficulty finding permanent anchors we reach the bottom of the route around 12:30AM.  I was pretty tired and delirious f0r the hike out.  We arrived in Vegas around 1:30AM and had ourselves some fun times with good friends until around 5AM.

 The Day After

There was much sleeping the next day.  We slept in a hot tub.  We slept in a frozen yogurt shop for about 4 hours.  Best yogurt shop ever.  We smelled terrible and we were obnoxious and then we fell asleep.  No one bothered us or asked us to leave.  One lady did ask to take a picture of us because we were so ridiculous. Here’s the address.

U Swirl Frozen Yogurt 7595 West Washington Avenue #110, Las Vegas, NV

Everyone should go to there.

First we sleep.

First we sleep.

Yosemite Rock Climbing Trip: Munginella


I read an article in National Geographic about my heros Dean Potter and Tommy Caldwell and their awesome Yosemite climbing adventures.   I thought, “I want to go to there.”  I left my summer internship at a plastic injection molding factory and called my buddy Danger who is always down for adventure.  He told me his sister Kirby was going too; I said “sweet”.  We planned on setting up top ropes and finding short easy bolted routes but…  Danger’s family’s friend Tony offered to let Kirby borrow a harness and shoes.  We left with a trad rack.  The trip’s dimensions had drastically changed.  We were geeking out as much as you might think.

Experience Levels:

Max can sport climb 5.10s pretty reliably and have followed someone climbing trad once.

Danger had bouldering experience and has lead sport a few times.  He did not know how to clean a route.

Kirby had never been climbing before.

Reading Material:

Yosemite Free Climbs and our invaluable copy of How To Rock Climb by John Long.  I cannot recommend John Long’s book enough.  It has super beta for everyone from beginners to experts.  We all read the book cover to cover in the car and were feeling much more confident.

Trip Report:

After 1 day 7hrs of driving we get to Yosemite

Realized we brought the tiny tent...

We get to Camp 4 around 5:30AM to get a campsite.  Why so early?

We received this dire warning from crazy guy who smelled like fish: ”There are thousands of people in the valley man.  Ya gotta believe me man there are thousands of people in the valley man.”  He offered more advice but it’s not funny in writing; ask me to do an impression.  Anyways he was right and a line to check in had already formed at 5:30AM.

Learning to Rock Climb

On our first day we organized all of our gear and Danger and I taught Kirby necessary climbing skills (knots, belaying, cleaning, back clipping, hand jamming, etc.).   Then we found a 5.4 route called Regular Route.  We practiced placing gear and got our multi-pitch tactics down.


Regular route (5.4)

Either the route has become overgrown since 2003 when our guidebook was written or we got horribly lost.  Oh ya, and Danger was mangled pretty good by an evil shrub.  It was getting dark so we decided to rappel down. We realized that we only brought 2 belay devices.  Luckily I knew what to do, double rappel.


Double Belay!

Now it was time for the big time, the dreaded Munginella (5.6).  I did not have much trouble getting up to the first belay tree.


Munginella (5.6)

I then belayed Danger and Kirby up to the first belay tree.  I then went in the wrong direction and went way off route to the right.


Oops, the wrong way.

Luckily, someone had recently installed solid bolt that people who went off route could use to pendulum back to where they are supposed to be.  At this point I was out of gear so I made my first anchor (4 equalized pieces) and performed my first ever legit hanging belay.


First ever hanging belay and anchor!

We could see the top-out point so Danger and I decided to leave Kirby at the first belay and proceed without her.  I made it to da top thanks to an ancient Friend cam.  I belayed Danger up without incident and then Danger belayed up Kirby.  Kirby climbed up 2 pitches straight like a superstar.  It was neat.  She made it to the top just as it got dark.


Still smiling

I cannot overemphasize how awesome Kirby was/is.  We left her tied to a tree for at least 2 hours and did not complain once.  I highly recommend Kirby.  Anyways, the hike down was pretty easy. We went the wrong way once but it was immediately obvious that it was not the trail, even in the dark.  I will never forget that day… Oh Dip! I wanna be back there!


Thanks for bein’ super awesome adventurin’ friends!


Thanks guys


Realized we brought the tiny tent…

Realized we brought the tiny tent...

Bike Trip- Missouri to New Hampshire “Bench Test”

If you are a busy individual read only the bolded text.

On Thursday I was looking up how much an Amtrak ticket from Missouri to New Hampshire would cost to visit my friends.  138 dollars. One way.  36 hours.  Quickly, I plugged the route into Google maps and noticed that the trip was only 1300 miles.  I decided that 138 dollars was quite a ridiculous.  Then I noticed that Google maps had a bike mode…

I needed to know if I had the juice to bike 100 miles a day for 13 days.  Bear in mind that I do not even own a bike and the longest bike trip was to 4.5 miles to a lake with the water-ski people and 4.5 miles back (9 miles).

What I needed was some sort of small scale experiment.  I asked my bud Hogan Sills, biking aficionado, if he could get me a bike from one of the Purdue bike club people.   He agreed to vouch for me.  Friday rolls around and Hogan tells me that someone wants let me borrow a bike.  I show up at the Bike Haus to clam my bike.  I learned that Hogan did not vouch for me.  I gathered that the bike people were told something like this, “ya… this guy wants to ride 100 miles tomorrow, he’s really out of shape and either quit after 30 miles or destroy your bike.”

I received “the pink bike” which at first inspection seemed nicer than anything I expected to get.  I prepared a back pack full of trail mix and water and set out at the crack of 8:30am Saturday morning.

I got lost on campus, missed the first turn, and ended up at the Purdue airport.  I back tracked to IN-26.  My butt hurts already.  At this point it started to rain.  I could have easily made it back to my place to get a rain jacket.  I figured that the rain would stop soon.  My first mistake.

At 11:30am it finally stopped raining, my cotton button-up shirt and synthetic blue pants were soaked.  At this point two people had asked me if I “needed a ride someplace.”  My sunglasses were broken from a previous rock climbing trip and needed to be duct taped to my face.  The rain adversely affected the duct tape and my glasses kept falling off.  I take a break, eat a soggy bagel and press on to Independence, IN.

In Independence I see this really neat car… motorcycle… thing.  It was like a VW Bug rear ended a motorcycle with cartoon physics and they melded together.  Here’s a picture.

The owner of this unique transportation device saw me standing in his front lawn taking pictures of his stuff.  He shouted, “What are you doin’!  From behind his screen door.  We ended up talking for a half hour about his Kawasaki-bug.  The conversation ended abruptly when he walked back inside.  I guess that meant I was supposed to get off of his lawn.

Not too far past Independence, IN I get to a poorly paved road called Possum Hollow.  It is apparently reserved for slow disabled children.  All fast disabled children must play somewhere else. On in the slow disabled child area there lives a vicious dog that bit me in the pants.  I did have an alluring strip of shiny silver duct tape on my ankle though so I was asking for it.  Being a very slow bikesman I did not attempt to outrun the dog.  I got off my bike and yelled at it.  It was undeterred.  Next, I did not punch it but instead I kind of fist pushed it in the face.  It then left be alone.  I thought about trying to get a picture of it but then came to my senses.

I get off of the badly paved road and out of the disabled slow children area and onto a nice paved road.  I immediately get a flat tire.  I checked my severely zoomed out Google maps printout and figured that Independence and Attica were the 2 closest places that would have bike tires.  I chose Attica, IN.  Attica was at least 7 miles away.

Along the way I realized that I did not really need a new tire, I just needed something to keep the rims off the ground.  I collected rubber straps off the side of the road that I hoped I could secure to the rims to form a makeshift tire if Attica did not pan out.

I finally make it to Attica after 2 0r 3 hours of walking.

I see some off-brand big box store called a Pamida and push my bike through the automatic doors and park it in the sporting goods section.  I realized that all of the bike products in the store were not made to be compatible with the pink bike.  I guess that the pink bike must have been made in Europe or some other weird country.  The bike tires, bike pumps, and fix-a-flat kits were all incompatible with my stupid pink bike.


First, I need a way to inflate the tire.  After much trial and error I found that wrapping tape around the tire nozzle and pressure fitting it to the standard mountain bike pump was the best way to get at least some air into the tire.  Next, I needed to fix the hole.  I found a mountain bike patch kit that was made to handle maybe half the psi’s that the pink bike requires to keep the rims off the ground.  I tried two patches and they both blew off immediately.  I got a grill cleaning tool from the Home and Garden section to abrade the rubber and create a better surface for the patch to adhere to.  It worked.  The tire held air!

I then learned that it is almost impossible to get the tube and tire back on the wheel after you take them off.  There must be some trick to it that I don’t know about.  A pair of pliers and screw driver from the hardware section and about 20 min of struggling got the tire back on.  I walked the bike to the checkout aisle and told the lady that I broke a screwdriver and used a patch kit.  She charged me 5 dollars.  Now it is 3:30pm and I am 30 miles from Purdue.

The tire holds for maybe 20 miles before it blows out again.  It is only 5:00pm and I figure that I can walk the rest of the way back to Purdue along IN-26 before 9:00pm.

At 7:30pm John the Landscaper asked if I was going to Purdue.  I wrote down his license plate number and had a text to 9-11 ready to go… just in case.  He turned out to be cool and dropped me off at Wiley Dining Court.

Then I ate at Jimmy Johns and went to a party.  I got tired and left at 12:30am.  The next day I felt a little sore but not too bad.

I learned that is certainly physically possible for me to ride 100 miles a day.  It is possible to ride from Missouri to New Hampshire in 13 days.  If I get lucky and no one hires me I will definitely attempt this journey in May.

Cheeseburger Cozie

Inspired by dontevenreply.com and 27bslash6.com I bother the people who have plenty of time on their hands, a knitting forum.

What I said

On my way to work in the morning, before I drop my children off at the mall, I like to buy a cheeseburger from my favorite fast food place so that I can smell its deliciousness all the way to work. But, by the time I get to the office the cheeseburger has become lukewarm! I was wondering if anyone had any advice about the best insulating yarn and weave pattern. Preferably something porous so that it can capture the cheeseburger smell.

Brian O’Blivion

What They Said

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

Wool? felted? Its a good idea :)

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

Well, I suppose cotton would soak up the burger grease and acquire a pleasant scent without shedding all over your breakfast…

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

You’d want something that would hold in the heat but absorb moisture so the steam doesn’t make your cheeseburger soggy. I vote for cotton in some kind of waffle textured stitch.

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

Bob, you have a strong resemblance to Jane Fonda in the ‘60’s. Amazing. Taking those hormones again?

Here’s a nice waffle stitch, a favorite of mine. :

I would try cotton worsted on a #8 or 9. You want some porosity to let out the steam. You can button or zipper the side of the cylinder like a tiny sweater.

This is not crazy. The original cozy is for teapots. Since joining Rav, I’ve seen soda glass cozies, coffee cup cozies, you-name-it. It’s a product of saving scraps and being a compulsive knitter.

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

so let me understand..it’s morning..you’re on the way to work..
( ♪ the sun so hot, I froze to death ♪ )
The kids are going to the mall….. not to school?
If the cheeseburger is for lunch, it’s going to be much less than lukewarm by then.
If it’s for breakfast, why not just go ahead and eat it while it’s hot and tasty… and still smells good?

Rather than have soggy buns..(very uncomfortable)….. I might try this ….link text

or invent cheeseburger aftershave or air freshener….maybe scratch-n-sniff cheeseburger pics ……
it could mean cheeseburger aroma anytime you want.
Your slogan could be ‘Let O’Blivion’s cheeseburger take you away’

reply to BrianOblivion’s post

Brian, has your wife gotten out of the basement? And are you a fan of Bob’s Burgers by any chance?

Thread Deleted

I thought a cheeseburger cozie was completely ridiculous and would be immediately found out.  Apparently cheeseburger cozies are a legitimate knitting project… Who knew?


Inspired by dontevenreply.com and 27bslash6.com I bother the people who have plenty of time on their hands, a knitting forum.

What I said


My Beatrix and I have been happily married for 19 years. We live in a 50+ year old ranch style “fixer upper”. Yesterday, the 23, my wife was walking to to the bathroom when she suddenly fell through the floor and down to the basement. The wall-to-wall shag carpeting obscured the water damage beneath it. She hurt her leg and is unable to make her way up the stairs. It has been raining pretty steadily and there is a significant amount of standing water in the basement. I cannot afford the expensive clothing and blankets that keep people warm even when wet. I was wondering if anyone could suggest a knitting project that I could undertake to make her something to keep her warm even when wet. Remember, I am a complete beginner!

Note: I have no insurance and cannot pay anyone to help my wife out of the basement. Besides, she insists upon “making it out on her own”.


What She Said

Sent at 1:54 AM March 24, 2011

I have carpal tunnel and wear a wrist brace, so my typing is not very good. I am an RN (registered nurse) in the USAm Texas. Damp and wet is not good. Get help to move her to a dry warm area. Then knit an afghan or even a scarf (most beginners start with a simple scarf). She may need to see a Dr, too. Medical care is most important. And, also you do not know if she broke a hip or leg or something. And, you dont want her in pain and/or dying or pneumonia. Keep in touch w/me, I will be happy to help in your beginning knitting efforts. Loretta Acosta / xanax on Ravelry.

What I Said

Sent at 11:15 AM March 24, 2011

Dear Daisy,

Thank you for your concern for me and my temporarily trapped wife. She is a physical therapist and says she is fine. Rest assured that nothing is broken and her life is in no danger. My wife is a rather “big boned” woman and cannot safely be assisted up the basement steps.

You will be happy to know that I have removed the gutters from my house and braided my yarn together to form a rope. I built, with the help of some neighborhood kids, a contraption that I thought would be able to lift her out through the hole in our bedroom. Unfortunately my maths were wrong and she fell back into the standing water in the basement. Although it was not a total loss, she can now lean against the remains of the improvised winch and get a few hours of sleep.

She says she should be well enough to make another attempt in a couple of days. She is as large as she is stubborn! :)

I looked up pictures of an “afghan” and “scarf” they did not seem to be waterproof. Is there some kind of spray or space age materials or special knit style that I could make/buy to make the? afghanies? waterproof?


No Response…


Here’s Another Response I got…

Sent at 12:09 AM March 24, 2011

Shouldn’t she see a doctor? Insurance or not, if something is broken internally she could die of infection. She just fell 8-10 feet… I think a life is so much more important than making a blanket.

Top Ten Weirdest Songs

Well, maybe these aren’t the top 10 weirdest songs, and maybe most people wouldn’t even consider them to be music… This is actually a list of my favorite songs to listen to. Other people tell me they are weird.

Background: I do not really like music. I own no ipod and have only 73 songs on my computer, all of them weird. Most of these weird songs made this list because they are so bad they are good. Also, I seem to have a thing for the 80′s.

I did not consider songs without music videos. I do not understand why anyone would ever make a song without a music video. It’s a vital component. Bonus points go to weird songs that transcend what they were created to be. I like weird songs that hilarious for reasons that are not intended by their creators.

10. Taco, “Puttin on the Ritz”

My favorite part is how it should have ended about halfway through but it just keeps going.

9. Eurythmics, “Sweet Dreams”

This one makes the list by virtue of glacier sunglasses alone. Glacier sunglasses are cool. I need them. But cannot justify buying 100 dollar sunglasses.

8. Men Without Hats, “Safety Dance”

Weird song because this is not the type of music video that I expected.

7. Mighty Boosh, “Eels”

If you haven’t heard of the Mighty Boosh, watch an episode immediately. Do not watch the first season.

6. Opra?, Cleopatra 2525

Believe it or not but this is an actual show. I originally thought that this was a parody of something. The show is about a stripper who goes in for a boob job and wakes up in the year 2525. She then kill robots and mutants with lasers or her famine wiles. Seriously. Oh ya, and it sounds like Opra’s singing this.

5. RRTD, “Heavy Metal Madness”

I really wish they were not booed off stage…

4. Spock’s “Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”

Perfect example of a transcendent weird song. You can tell that they wanted to make a funny video, I am sure they did not expect it to still be funny 20+ years later. Fun fact: there was talk of making a Lord of the Rings Trilogy move featuring Leonard Nimoy as Aragorn.

3. Tim Curry “On Halloween”

Anything can happen on halloween… Another transcendent weird song. I like to imagine the creators of this sitting around and speculating about how the audience will think this weird song is soo cooool. Has anyone seen my tambourine?

2. Zladko, “Elektronik Supersonik”

This one’s great because there are people that think this is real. ”Zlad” sells fake guidebooks about terrible places to travel to, such as Molvania.

1. Tim and Eric, “Come Over”

Born This Way Explained by an Engineer Part 2

If you haven’t read part 1, read part 1 first

Ok, so last Born this way explained post I made it to the space vagina part…


First of all, before we move on, there are a few things I forgot to mention about the first 30 seconds or so of the video, in the previous post…

I know I’ve seen this before… Can’t remember where (Help!)


Something I missed in the first pass, outfit she is wearing is reminiscent of Egyptian god Osiris.  Her bee hive haridoo, crook and flail in her hands, eyeball chin(Pharaoh’s beard), and 2 servants make it clear that Lady Gaga is trying to impersonate the Egyptian god of rebirth.  I guess she ran out of Judeo-Christian imagery.


Osiris god of Rebirth

Re-Birthing Gaga

Crook and Flail








Then, Lady Gaga starts talking about the evil that is also born into the world.  We see a dark, evil Gaga pull a WWII looking machine gun out of her obviously copious vagina.  Lady Gaga is positioned on the top of a virus with an ultrasound looking backdrop, you know, giving birth to evil of course.


Virus Giving Birth in an Ultrasound

Virus Giving Birth in an Ultrasound









That is pretty much it for the 2 min. 30 sec. intro portion of the video.  I am sure there was a lot that I missed a lot…

The intro as a whole reminds me a lot of The Fellowship of the Ring intro, the part where the elf lady is talking about the rings of power corrupting people. I would post a video, but alas, it seems to be the one thing that is not on youtube.

Then comes lots of dancing.  I am sure that there is meaning in most of Lady Gaga’s dancing and gesturing but I honestly do not want to research every single one.  Skip to 5:30 in the video for my favorite.  Lady Gaga flips the fourth wall the bird and sings, “Baby you were born this way.” Meaning obvious.  The Born This Way should be played in health class to explain where babies come from.


During this part she is singing, “Baby you were born this way”

Then there is more dancing…

She does some Michael Jackson and Madonna stuff and…



Michael Jackson







Then it is over!


skeleton bubble

Obscure Movie?









Lady Gaga’s Born This Way: Explained and Analyzed by an Engineer Part 1

Lady Gaga is almost definitely qualifies as an interesting person of the future.  She has united a legion of monsters under her banner.  This Whore of Babylon loves to play with the symbols and imagery of other artists and cultures.  Her latest video, Born This Way, does not disappoint in any way.  When I started this blog I never thought that I would be writing something as inane as promoting a pop star’s latest video.  But I am.  If you knew me or read most of my stuff you would know how special this makes Stephanie.

The overarching meaning of the video and song lyrics to Born This Way are about promoting not hate of all humans, this is obvious.  What is interesting is how Gaga does this, what symbols she uses, what films and concepts she is referencing, why she usually does not wear pants (wait this one is obvious too). Anyway that’s what this post is about.

Video starts off with a silhouette of a unicorn in an inverted triangle.  This is an obvious reference to the popular flash game from adult swim, Robot Unicorn Attack.  Anyone can see that there is no possible way that this is a coincidence.

But seriously folks, I don’t understand the unicorn this was a hilarious joke… that probably caused a lot of humans to hit the back button.  Oh well.   I’d appreciate unicorn theories and theories about other parts of the video that I do not understand in comments section.

Gaga’s Unicorn

Adult Swim’s Unicorn Based Video Game











After the unicorn and triangle we see Gaga, she has a face on the back of hear head (no idea) and she is trapped in a crystal floating through space.  This one I am pretty sure about.  It’s a superman reference!  In Superman II, the people of Krypton imprisoned criminals inside of crystals.  Compare!



Gaga’s Space Crystal Prison

Phantom Zone (Superman II)











Also, Gaga’s birthing chair is covered in Krypton looking crystals and is remarkably similar to the little pod that superman rode to earth in Superman the movie.  Watch the movie clip, the feel of it is very similar to the first 3 minutes of Born This Way.



Birthing Crystal Chair





Behind Gaga, the stars form the constellation of a giant space vagina.  There can be no argument.  It is a space vagina.